Setting: After drinking two beers and eating three slices of pizza for lunch, I bought a Snickers ice cream bar.
Friend: Can I have a bite of that?
Me: Yeah. You should have gotten one too.
Friend: Naw, then I'd get all fat and shit.
Me: Well, I just ate one.
Friend: I'm pretty sure it's impossible for you to gain weight, no matter what you eat.
Me: That's kind of true. The only thing that happens is I grow a bigger ass.
Friend: Let's go get you another one of those ice cream bars, then!
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